Free Downloads Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs
A Marriage Book with a Difference!A Revolutionary Message“I’ve been married 35 years and have not heard this taught.”“This is the key that I have been missing.”“You connected all the dots for me.”“As a counselor, I have never been so excited about any material.”“You’re on to something huge here.”A Simple MessageA wife has one driving need―to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need―to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily, and biblically.A Message That WorksBased on over three decades of counseling, as well as scientific and biblical research, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs and his wife, Sarah, have already taken the Love and Respect message across America and are changing the way couples talk to, think about, and treat each other. What do you want for your marriage? Want some peace? Want to feel close? Want to feel valued? Want to experience marriage the way God intended? Then why not try some Love and Respect.
Hardcover: 324 pages
Publisher: Thomas Nelson; 1 edition (September 5, 2004)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1591451876
ISBN-13: 978-1591451877
Product Dimensions: 6.3 x 1.2 x 9.2 inches
Shipping Weight: 1.3 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars See all reviews (2,274 customer reviews)
Best Sellers Rank: #423 in Books (See Top 100 in Books) #7 in Books > Self-Help > Relationships > Love & Romance #9 in Books > Medical Books > Psychology > General #9 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Marriage & Adult Relationships
I thought the principal behind the book was something that will help virtually every married couple. My husband and I laughed at sections b/c we found some of the anecdotes so spot on to our daily lives. Eggerichs clearly explained to us why we keep going through the "Crazy Cycle." The Respect/Love needs in men/women is potentially a marriage saver or breaker.I have 2 constructive criticisms of the book. I still recommend this book, however I do give these caveats:1. This book talks as if men know how to love their wives. There may be a million books out there on how to do it, but we didn't have those. My husband and I were reading this one. And I grew weary of hearing how women needed to learn to respect their husbands. Frankly, I grasped the principal within the first few pages. After a few chapters, I felt like rolling my eyes a little. Because he paid so little attention to talking about how men should love their wives, it felt like that part was very trivialized. I understand that was not the point, however, the title was "Love & Respect", not just "Respect."2. I would have liked more tangible examples of exactly what it means to "Respect" my husband. I want to do it. And he made it clear that "nagging, complaining, and whining" at him were disrespectful. But I need more examples. What are the active things I can do? Is it disrespectful to remind my husband to take the garbage out the night before? If it is, then how do I make sure the task gets done w/out reminding him? It isn't an issue of control, but I have to get the kids out the door in the morning and I need help and I need him to do this one thing. Make sense? I need to know how to have those discussions w/out disrespecing him.
On page 282, Dr. Eggerichs admits that his advice isn’t working for many people. That he receives tons of letters from frustrated people who have tried that advice in their marriage only to watch it backfire on them. Then he quotes from a letter where a wife actually “regrets” telling her husband “what I learned from you because he uses it against me each time. I can take the criticism. I feel I deserve it—but his rage…makes me want to get away and hide.”That says it all right there. So what exactly is backfiring on these people?First of all let’s look at the main focus of this book.Dr. Eggerichs writes, “My theory says that the wife has a tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to the husband—thus the command to respect—and the husband has a tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to the wife—thus the command to love.” (p. 319)“A man needs to feel honored for who he is—the image and glory of God—because God made him that way.” (p. 322)Of course, husbands need respect, but aren’t wives also made in God’s image and thus deserving of respect, too?Dr. Eggerichs insists, “I still believe that women want love far more than respect and men want respect far more than love. I’ll illustrate that from the greeting card industry” which is one of the best “examples of women’s deepest values.” (p. 48)“When women buy greeting cards for their husbands, they want to express love for them; they don’t even think about respect. Sadly, the deepest yearning of husbands goes unmet because wives—and the card publishers—are locked into relaying sentiments of love.”Later he adds,“Women are the ones who have babies and that’s one reason that birthdays are a big deal to them.” (p.
The good:1) I like the connection between love and respect. Every time he says husbands need respect and wives need love, you have to translate that mentally into *both* husbands *and* wives need love *and* respect, but the basic premise is a good one -- the Christian understanding of love indicates an attitude of honoring, respecting, and blessing the other person.2) The crazy cycle and reward cycle. This is one of the most important things most couples could learn. Our behaviors are self-reinforcing and good things to lead to more good things in a cycle. Likewise, bad things often lead to more bad things. The good news is that we serve a God of redemption and just as the gospel message teaches us that Christ breaks us out of a cycle of sin, God can redeem broken marriages and break them out of destructive cycles.3) For *some* couples, a disrespectful attitude toward the husband or an unloving attitude toward the wife *is* the problem. For those relationships, I imagine they would benefit greatly from this book.The not-so-good:1) As mentioned by several reviewers already, the book is incredibly sexist. I started making a `W' in the margins when Dr. Eggerichs blamed the wife for the problem and a `H' when he blamed the husband. Skimming back through, it's about 90% W's. Just about any time he says something negative about the husband, you are almost guaranteed to get a follow-up sentence about how his wife's pettiness or nagging or belittling comments or criticizing or bitterness or whatever was really the root cause of the husband's behavior.
Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; the Respect He Desperately Needs Love and Respect Workbook: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs She Believed She Could So She Did She Believed She Could So She Did - A Daily Gratitude Journal | Planner She Believed She Could So She Did - A Double Journal The Elusive Orgasm: A Woman's Guide to Why She Can't and How She Can Orgasm Skin Deep: All She Wanted Was a Mummy, But Was She Too Ugly to Be Loved? Be the Dad She Needs You to Be: The Indelible Imprint a Father Leaves on His Daughter's Life Capture His Heart: Becoming the Godly Wife Your Husband Desires Befriending Our Desires Ask and It Is Given: Learning to Manifest Your Desires Devices and Desires: A History of Contraceptives in America Magick for Beginners!: Spells & Rituals to Attain Abundance, Wealth, Health, Happiness & Your Deepest Desires! Johanna Lindsey CD Collection 2: A Man to Call My Own, A Loving Scoundrel, Captive of My Desires His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage His Needs, Her Needs Participant's Guide: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage (A Six-Session Study) Autism: 44 Ways to Understanding- Aspergers Syndrome, ADHD, ADD, and Special Needs (Autism, Aspergers Syndrome, ADHD, ADD, Special Needs, Communication, Relationships) What Every 6th Grader Needs to Know: 10 Secrets to Connect Moms & Daughters (What Every Kid Needs to Know) (Volume 1) Why She Buys: The New Strategy for Reaching the World's Most Powerful Consumers
