Free Downloads Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How To Stop Yelling And Start Connecting
A groundbreaking guide to raising responsible, capable, happy kidsBased on the latest research on brain development and extensive clinical experience with parents, Dr. Laura Markham’s approach is as simple as it is effective. Her message: Fostering emotional connection with your child creates real and lasting change. When you have that vital connection, you don’t need to threaten, nag, plead, bribe—or even punish.This remarkable guide will help parents better understand their own emotions—and get them in check—so they can parent with healthy limits, empathy, and clear communication to raise a self-disciplined child. Step-by-step examples give solutions and kid-tested phrasing for parents of toddlers right through the elementary years.If you’re tired of power struggles, tantrums, and searching for the right “consequence,” look no further. You’re about to discover the practical tools you need to transform your parenting in a positive, proven way.
Paperback: 304 pages
Publisher: TarcherPerigee; unknown edition (November 28, 2012)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0399160280
ISBN-13: 978-0399160288
Product Dimensions: 5.4 x 0.8 x 8.2 inches
Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars See all reviews (397 customer reviews)
Best Sellers Rank: #1,472 in Books (See Top 100 in Books) #42 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Parenting
I am a gentle parent. I am a conscious parent. I put a lot of work into keeping calm when dealing with those tough parenting moments. I try to always hold the space for my daughter to simply "be" who she is in the every moment. But...My default button is impatience and a penchant for raising my voice. *Sigh*It takes a lot of work to keep myself in check as a peaceful, supportive parent. When I do veer of course, my daughter is sure to remind me of the error of my ways. For days on end. Days. On. End. Impatience and raising my voice does NOTHING to strengthen my relationship with my daughter.I read and research. A lot. I have read all of the gentle parenting resources out there. I have taken a little of this and a little of that and tried to bring it together into a parenting style that works both for me and for my daughter. Yet, I still have not perfected the art of patient parenting.I have been waiting anxiously for Dr. Laura Markham of Aha Parenting to write and release a book on peaceful parenting. I love her blog. I find myself nodding vigorously to every post she writes. Her words always give me pause. I digest them. I put them into action. And yet, I knew that she was holding back and had so much more to offer!Enter Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How To Stop Yelling and Start Connecting.This is THE book that was missing from my repertoire of gentle parenting resources. This is THE book that I read two times in a row while barely coming up for air. The is THE book that has actually showed me, in a palatable manner, how to be the patient, non-voice-raising mama I knew I could be.
I wanted to love this book but it's not for us. I think it might resonate really well with people into "attachment parenting" and think that should be mentioned in the description. It might fall short with some very strong willed children though, like mine. At least, that's what I found when I tried a few suggestions.The positives of this book is that it does a good job of highlighting the need for the parent to calm down. There are good tips. It made an important point that other parenting books do not, such as, it's alright to take a moment (or 10!) to calm down before addressing the problem. Many other parenting books say you need to address the problem immediately so the child knows exactly why consequences are happening. It gives some good tips about knowing how your child reacts to certain situations and have the foresight to diffuse them before the problem occurs. It promotes empathy, which can only help your relationship. I found I already do a lot of empathizing with my child.Where I have the problem is the constant "making light" of problems or trying to turn them into a game in order redirect the behavior. This might work with some kids but not mine. In one example, a child wants the parent to move from a particular spot on the couch and the parent is supposed to make fun and games with the child... but not move from the spot. That only works with my daughter to a point. She would not become distracted, she would play for a while but then become serious and reassert her laser beam focus. Another example is about spitting, instead of consequences for spitting in the house the solution was to take the child outside to make a game of spitting out there. Like, "Oh, haha, look I can spit further than you!
As of the writing of this review, I have two children: a 3 year-old son and 4 month old daughter. I had the good fortune to "discover" Attachment Parenting before my son was born and have enjoyed raising him with physical and emotional closeness. But around the time that my second child was born, things got really hard. Developmentally, my son was hitting some challenging stuff, plus the stress of a new sibling, a mom recovering from a hard birth, and other stresses in our life that landed at the same time. He was having huge meltdowns several times a day that were really hard for me. Somehow I got the idea that the intensity of his emotions was abnormal or harmful. It seemed silly that he would wail about the most seemingly minor things. Consequently, my "instinct" was to try to "contain" his negative emotions or distract him somehow (or just STOP THE WAILING!). But, no surprise, it didn't work, and the more I tried ignoring or negating his tantrums, the worse they got (and the more disconnected we felt).At this time, I checked out "Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids" from the library and started reading it. About halfway through the book, I got really angry and almost came on here to write a somewhat negative review before even finishing it. I was thinking, "hey -- I parent this way, and my kid is a mess. This doesn't work!" Fortunately, instead I kept reading and eventually came the realization that I was *NOT* empathizing with my son in his moments of hard emotions. Instead I would negate somehow (by ignoring or explicitly telling him to "stop crying") and/or give in to his stated desire (thus not maintaining important limits).
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