

Paperback: 208 pages
Publisher: TarcherPerigee (June 7, 2016)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0143109227
ISBN-13: 978-0143109228
Product Dimensions: 5.4 x 0.6 x 8.2 inches
Shipping Weight: 5 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars See all reviews (63 customer reviews)
Best Sellers Rank: #4,619 in Books (See Top 100 in Books) #24 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Family Relationships > Motherhood #44 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Parenting > Early Childhood #49 in Books > Politics & Social Sciences > Women's Studies

I was introduced to positive parenting principles and to Rebecca Eanes's amazing books in an unusual way. I teach restoratively justice, and I had become accustomed to outlining for my students the differences between the kinds of questions that traditional criminal justice asks when a crime is committed (Whose fault is it? What did they do? How can we punish them?) and those posed by restorative justice (What happened? Why did it happen? How can we make things right?); yet it never occurred to me that applying what I knew about the "blame game" and the "pain game" to parenting would be a smart move. While I was pregnant with my twins, I showed my students a TEDx talk with Katy Hutchison in which she describes her family's use of a time-in rather than a time-out (and explains how she wanted that same kind of time-in with her daughter's killer). For some reason, that video clip really resonated with me, as did her explanation that putting a child in time-out only alienates and isolates them - it fails to address whatever underlying need all parties concerned may have. I start reading up on the subject and came across The Newbie's Guide to Positive Parenting by Rebecca Eanes, then her Facebook community, Positive Parenting: Toddlers and Beyond, and now Positive Parenting: An Essential Guide (her most recent book).Reminiscent of Pam Leo's Connection Parenting and L. R. Knost's The Gentle Parent but packed full of practical tips and ideas, Rebecca's book is indeed an essential guide to understanding why children behave the way that they do, and how we as parents can change our focus from controlling and punishing them to cultivating the kind of connected, secure relationship with them that will nurture them and help them reach their full potential.
I have read a myriad of parenting books, focussed mostly on a tool kit of skills at how to manage different types of behaviours at differing ages. Despite all the books being of a similar ilk - gentle parenting books - I found myself continually looking for another book to help me get things right - because it always felt like something was still missing. I knew all the skills, but I was still falling short at implementing them at the most crucial times. Enter Rebecca's book. From the get go I knew that her book was different. It opened with two chapters aimed at parenting myself first. Encouraging me to take a long hard look at myself and my relationships with others - and decide if they looked the way I wanted them to look. Did I want to continue parenting this way? Did I want to continue believing these messages that I held about myself and my child? What would things look like if I continued on the current path? Despite being a gentle parent most of the time, I had found myself veering off course of late. And the reason had nothing to do with not having the skills. I couldn't implemet the skills if the messages in my head about myself and my child were negative and skewed. I needed to rewrite my story - past and present - so that the story of my family's future would be one that I was proud of. This book aims to help me do that.Within two weeks of reading it, things are very different in our home. I'm no longer viewing myself and my situation in "poor me, this is so hard" terms. I am empowered and equipped with ways to challenge my thoughts and put my best self forward when addressing my family. I love that the book is written with a plan of re parenting yourself first and only then provides tips and strategies for managing different behaviours.
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