Free Downloads How To Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It
Men are right. The “relationship talk” does not help. Dr. Patricia Love’s and Dr. Steven Stosny’s How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It reveals the stunning truth about marital happiness:Love is not about better communication.It's about connection. You'll never get a closer relationshipwith your man by talking to him like youtalk to one of your girlfriends. Male emotions are like women's sexuality:you can't be too direct too quickly. There are four ways to connect with a man:touch, activity, sex, routines. Men want closer marriages just as much as women do,but not if they has to act like a woman.Talking makes women move closer;it makes men move away.The secret of the silent male is this:his wife supplies the meaning in his life.The stunning truth about love is that talking doesn’t help.Have you ever had this conversation with your spouse?Wife: “Honey, we need to talk about us.” Husband: “Do we have to?” Drs. Patricia Love and Steven Stosny have studied this all-too-familiar dynamic between men and women and have reached a truly shocking conclusion. Even with the best of intentions, talking about your relationship doesn’t bring you together, and it will eventually drive you apart. The reason for this is that underneath most couples’ fights, there is a biological difference at work. A woman’s vulnerability to fear and anxiety makes her draw closer, while a man’s subtle sensitivity to shame makes him pull away in response. This is why so many married couples fall into the archetypal roles of nagging wife/stonewalling husband, and why improving a marriage can’t happen through words. How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It teaches couples how to get closer in ways that don’t require “trying to turn a man into a woman.” Rich in stories of couples who have turned their marriages around, and full of practical advice about the behaviors that make and break marriages, this essential guide will help couples find love beyond words.
Paperback: 240 pages
Publisher: Harmony; Reprint edition (April 29, 2008)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0767923189
ISBN-13: 978-0767923187
Product Dimensions: 5.2 x 0.7 x 8.1 inches
Shipping Weight: 7 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars See all reviews (346 customer reviews)
Best Sellers Rank: #10,972 in Books (See Top 100 in Books) #15 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Psychology & Counseling > Sexuality #44 in Books > Self-Help > Sex #101 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Marriage & Adult Relationships
Honestly, this is probably a case of me buying the "wrong book" for my needs. I bought this based on the largely positive feedback. Upon reading, I discovered the book is largely directed to couples that have broken off communication altogether, are on the defensive with each other constantly, and are steps away from breaking it off. I gathered from the title that it would address communication barriers, certainly, which I believe men and women have between each other naturally. I just didn't realize the extent to which the author would build a case tying nearly everything wrong in a marriage back to the male's need for unabashed acceptance and glorification (i.e. not being shamed) and the female need for security.I DO actually agree with the author that, in general, these are traits of the genders, accordingly. I just feel the book oversimplifies and generalizes things a bit too much. It paints men as neanderthals, unable (biologically) to communicate, while women are all incessant naggers and nit pickers.In my own relationship, this simply isn't the case. No relationship is perfect, and certainly my marriage is far from it, but I (the husband) am quite often the instigator of relationship talk. She seldom nags, we do tell each other we love one another regularly, and there is a general respect and kindness in our home.We certainly could use improvement in many areas, which I hoped to find in this book. Instead, by far and large, I found a certainly well developed case that shame and fear are at the core of nearly every relational challenge.The book did have a few high points for me, which will make the $10 Kindle download pay itself back fairly quickly.
My husband (of nine years) and I are having trouble, and despite a couple of visits over the years to a therapist we both respect and like, we may be heading toward a divorce (his choice). I began reading this book, and then began reading it out loud to him. (I always read to him while he drives us to and from work; we've gotten through many, many history and philosophy books, and the very occasional marriage and intersex relations books.)When I would ask if I should continue reading, he always said yes. (!) He was surprised and disappointed when I reached the end of the book. This book explains SO much about the conflicting ways we see things, and each other! Especially this, from page 196:============The Compassion Paradox: If Available Whenever Needed, It's Rarely NeededResearch shows that when people - men and women - feel secure that compassion and support will be there if they need it, they are far more independent. Worry that it won't be available when needed creates a deprivation mentality. You can think of deprivation mentality the following way. If you haven't eaten for over a week, are you likely to hold out for a gourmet dinner and eat it with your napkin in place and cut up your food carefully? Or will you shovel whatever food you can get into your mouth as fast as you can? You're likely to resemble a hungry wolf more than a well-mannered diner. Well, the last thing you want is for your partner to be as hungry as a wolf for emotional support. That will make her think about her emotional needs all the time and want more and more attention, until it seems to you that she can never get enough. The trick is applying preventive compassion in small doses, so that she knows it will always be there when she needs it.
I've never written a review, but five minutes after finishing this book I was logging on to to give some honest feedback to the potential shoppers out there wondering if this book is worth the money. First off, I'll let you know that it was WORTH EVERY PENNY (and I actually went out in the snow to get it at full price from a B&N bookstore in the middle of the night). This book puts into words exactly what I've been unable to express for the past 5 years of marriage. It describes not only what I've been feeling, it describes what my wife has been trying to get through to me, why I felt how I did, why my wife responded how she did, everything. I have a handful of relationship books from a variety of different authors, and none of the other ones were as useful or powerful as this one. The book doesn't just throw out a few "answers" and treat them as though they're intuitive facts. Instead it goes into supportive information for these simple "truths" that have elements that are physiological, psychological, biological, sociological, (and a few other -logicals to boot). I found it interesting to read about real life anecdotes, historical anthroplogical findings, and chemical brain reactions all on the same page.The main idea of the book is to show how women are hypersensitive to Fear, Isolation, & Deprivation, and men are hypersensitive to Shame & Dread of Failure. When I actually sat back and thought about it I realized that almost all of my negative emotions can be traced back to either Shame or the Dread of Failure, and most of my wife's emotions fell into one of her F/I/D categories as well. This bit of information alone was useful and worth the the price.
Marriage: Save Your Marriage- The Secret to Intimacy and Communication Skills (marriage, relationships, save your marriage, divorce, love, communication, intimacy) How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It Marriage: How to Rescue, Revive and Rebuild Trust in Your Marriage (Marriage Counseling, Marriage Help, Intimacy Advice) Marriage Counseling: Marriage Tips Guide to Helping Deal with Marriage Problems Focus: Best Ways to Improve Your Concentration and Improve Your Learning Improve Your Sight-Reading! Piano: Level 1 / Early Elementary (Faber Edition: Improve Your Sight-Reading) Improve Your Sight-Reading! Piano: Level 2 / Elementary (Faber Edition: Improve Your Sight-Reading) Improve Your HDR Photography (Improve Your Photography Book 2) Talking with Dogs and Cats: Joining the Conversation to Improve Behavior and Bond with Your Animals Get Talking and Keep Talking French Total Audio Course: The essential short course for speaking and understanding with confidence (Teach Yourself) Keep Talking German Audio Course - Ten Days to Confidence: Advanced beginner's guide to speaking and understanding with confidence (Teach Yourself: Keep Talking) Get Talking and Keep Talking Japanese Total Audio Course: The essential short course for speaking and understanding with confidence (Teach Yourself Language) Get Talking and Keep Talking Russian Total Audio Course: The essential short course for speaking and understanding with confidence (Teach Yourself) Handwriting Improvement!: A Step By Step Guide To Improve Your Handwriting And Penmanship Instantly (Improve Handwriting, Penmanship, Handwriting Analysis, Typography) Handwriting Improvement: The Complete Guide to Drastically Improve Your Handwriting and Penmanship! (Improve Handwriting, Penmanship, Handwriting Analysis) Marriage On The Rock: God's Design For Your Dream Marriage Marriage, a History: How Love Conquered Marriage Sacred Marriage: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy? Sacred Marriage Rev. Ed.: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy? Communication in Marriage: How to Communicate with Your Spouse Without Fighting
