Free Downloads Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through The Seven Transitions Into Adulthood
NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • Lisa Damour, Ph.D., director of the internationally renowned Laurel School’s Center for Research on Girls, pulls back the curtain on the teenage years and shows why your daughter’s erratic and confusing behavior is actually healthy, necessary, and natural. Untangled explains what’s going on, prepares parents for what’s to come, and lets them know when it’s time to worry. In this sane, highly engaging, and informed guide for parents of daughters, Dr. Damour draws on decades of experience and the latest research to reveal the seven distinct—and absolutely normal—developmental transitions that turn girls into grown-ups, including Parting with Childhood, Contending with Adult Authority, Entering the Romantic World, and Caring for Herself. Providing realistic scenarios and welcome advice on how to engage daughters in smart, constructive ways, Untangled gives parents a broad framework for understanding their daughters while addressing their most common questions, including • My thirteen-year-old rolls her eyes when I try to talk to her, and only does it more when I get angry with her about it. How should I respond? • Do I tell my teen daughter that I’m checking her phone? • My daughter suffers from test anxiety. What can I do to help her? • Where’s the line between healthy eating and having an eating disorder? • My teenage daughter wants to know why I’m against pot when it’s legal in some states. What should I say? • My daughter’s friend is cutting herself. Do I call the girl’s mother to let her know? Perhaps most important, Untangled helps mothers and fathers understand, connect, and grow with their daughters. When parents know what makes their daughter tick, they can embrace and enjoy the challenge of raising a healthy, happy young woman. Praise for Untangled“Finally, there’s some good news for puzzled parents of adolescent girls, and psychologist Lisa Damour is the bearer of that happy news. [Untangled] is the most down-to-earth, readable parenting book I’ve come across in a long time.”—The Washington Post “Anna Freud wrote in 1958, ‘There are few situations in life which are more difficult to cope with than an adolescent son or daughter during the attempt to liberate themselves.’ In the intervening decades, the transition doesn’t appear to have gotten any easier which makes Untangled such a welcome new resource.”—The Boston Globe “Damour offers a hopeful, helpful new way for parents to talk about—and with—teenage girls. . . . Parents will want this book on their shelves, next to established classics of the genre.”—Publishers Weekly“For years people have been asking me for the ‘girl equivalent of Raising Cain,’ and I haven't known exactly what to recommend. Now I do.”—Michael Thompson, Ph.D., co-author of Raising Cain “An essential guide to understanding and supporting girls throughout their development. It’s obvious that Dr. Damour ‘gets’ girls and understands the best way for any adult to help them navigate the common yet difficult challenges so many girls face.”—Rosalind Wiseman, author of Queen Bees & Wannabes “A gem. From the moment I read the last page I’ve been recommending it to my clients (including those with sons!) and colleagues, and using it as a refreshing guide in my own work with teenagers and their parents.”—Wendy Mogel, Ph.D., author of The Blessing of a Skinned Knee
Hardcover: 352 pages
Publisher: Ballantine Books (February 9, 2016)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0553393057
ISBN-13: 978-0553393057
Product Dimensions: 5.8 x 1.1 x 8.5 inches
Shipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars See all reviews (151 customer reviews)
Best Sellers Rank: #606 in Books (See Top 100 in Books) #1 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Parenting > Parenting Girls #3 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Parenting > Teenagers
This is a well written book based on the author's personal experience as a psychotherapist, and more research. I recommend it for parents who have a daughter who is turning 11 or 12 so they can be prepared in advance to handle situations as they arise in the right manner.As tweens becomes teenagers, it's very important to keep the lines of communication open, and be their friend, yet be able to exert parental authority when needed. This is a difficult balance to maintain and as parents we have our up and down days. As a single mom, with a precocious daughter who was always ahead of the curve, whether it was academics or getting into trouble, I have probably dealt with every single issue that this book brings up. It has several helpful strategies, and ways of communicating that can help you from relapsing into anger and a "because I said so" conversation, that does not fly with teens.This book deals with most issues for 12-16 year olds, but doesn't really address some issues that start coming to the forefront with driving age and the ability to work part time jobs. Rash driving, drinking, drugs, unsafe sex, learning to use their money wisely, and finding one's own identity as they approach adulthood, are bigger issues after 16, and this book clubs them into one chapter. It would perhaps take a different book to discuss some of these issues, and different strategies, as the same ones that you can use when they're 14 don't work at 16 or 17 when they are becoming more independent, almost adults, and can drive themselves.I also believe that social media has really changed how teenagers interact, and though this book covers the impact and gives some helpful strategies, teenagers are always a step ahead of their parents.
Damour has been influenced by Anna Freud and writes from a morally neutral viewpoint. She goes so far as to state in the book that “all morals are relative.” Her attitude seems to be; do you want your girls to come to you with their problems? Then don’t freak out about anything; calmly teach them the dangers of social media, of premature sexual activity, of drug and alcohol use—and realize that they will face these without you. If these subjects become cloaked with shame because of your emotional reaction, your girl may put on what she calls their “veil of obedience” to put you off. Know, however, she won’t be coming to you for help but will get it someplace else.Damour is writing in an era of social media. Overuse of this medium can emotionally cripple girls. They will “cope by posting” instead of finding incarnational ways of dealing with conflict and may get involved in social apps that carry long-term consequences.A sample question from the author: “Is there anything I can do that won’t make things worse?” A sample summary insight: “You understand that her distress is real, you’re not going to try to talk her out of her feelings, nor are you frightened of them, and you can live with your inability to make things better.” P. 102Damour describes an interesting coping mechanism teenage girls may use: externalization. For example, the girl is so tired of being upset, she tosses a metaphorical hot potato to her parents to hold; that is, to become upset in her place. It’s an unconscious defense mechanism which allows her to go on and have a good day. Meanwhile, you’ll be sleepless that night if you don’t recognize what just happened.
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