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The Unwritten Rules Of Social Relationships: Decoding Social Mysteries Through The Unique Perspectives Of Autism

Silver Award Winner in the 2005 ForeWord Book of the Year Awards! Born with autism, both authors now famously live successful social lives. But their paths were very different. Temple's logical mind controlled her social behavior. She interacted with many adults and other children, experiencing varied social situations. Logic informed her decision to obey social rules and avoid unpleasant consequences. Sean's emotions controlled his social behavior. Baffled by social rules, isolated and friendless, he made up his own, and applied them to others. When they inevitably broke his rules, he felt worthless and unloved. Both Temple and Sean ultimately came to terms with the social world and found their places in it. Whether you are a person with autism, a caregiver in the autism community, or just someone interested in an outsider view of society, their powerful stories will enthrall and enlighten you. Helpful sections include: Two Perspectives on Social Thinking Two Minds: Two Paths The Ten Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships, which include: Rule #1: Rules are Not Absolute. They are Situation-based and People-based Rule #2: Not Everything is Equally Important in the Grand Scheme of Things Rule #3: Everyone in the World Makes Mistakes. It Doesn’t Have to Ruin Your Day. Rule #4: Honesty is Different than Diplomacy Rule #5: Being Polite is Appropriate in Any Situation Rule #6: Not Everyone Who is Nice to Me is My Friend Rule #7: People Act Differently in Public than They Do in Private Rule #8: Know When You’re Turning People Off Rule #9: Fitting in is Often Tied to Looking and Sounding Like You Fit In Rule # 10: People are Responsible for Their Own Behaviors

Hardcover: 383 pages

Publisher: Future Horizons; unknown edition (November 1, 2005)

Language: English

ISBN-10: 193256506X

ISBN-13: 978-1932565065

Product Dimensions: 6 x 1.3 x 9.6 inches

Shipping Weight: 1.8 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)

Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (110 customer reviews)

Best Sellers Rank: #60,861 in Books (See Top 100 in Books) #94 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Special Needs > Disabilities #558 in Books > Self-Help > Relationships > Interpersonal Relations

I love this book and would strongly recommend it to anyone interested in autism and/or sociology. I mention sociology because, even if you have no interest in autism, the book is a great look at all of the unwritten rules and codes in our society that we live by but may be unaware of. Also, we are reintroduced to Sean Barron, thirteen years after we first met him in "There's a Boy in Here".I really feel that anyone who is working on social skills with someone on the autistic spectrum should read this book. I have looked at plenty of other books on teaching social skills, but there are some things that the books written by non-autistic authors just don't cover. Temple and Sean give frequent accounts of their reactions in social situations during various points in their lives, followed by explanations of why they reacted this way and what their rationale was at the time. There is a ton of really useful information here!One point perhaps worth mentioning is that the focus of this book is very much on teaching those on the autistic spectrum about the rules and expectations of our society, so know that going in. This is a point that people may feel differently about - while some people advocate teaching these things to varying degrees, there are those who (in my understanding, at least) advocate for autism culture and believe in less 'adjustment' on the part of people with autism and instead more acceptance of the autistic way of doing things. Either way, I think there should be something in this book for many different types of readers, be it a background in teaching social skills, a look at sociology, two interesting partial auto-biographies, etc.

Fascinating. One author with minimal, and one with maximum, emotionally-influenced autism, provides a range of insights for understanding and teaching minds on the autistic spectrum.One important theme is that professionals often don't know what they are talking about and may do more harm than good, though many are trying and helping. Often, determined parents and common sense are the best approach, though understanding how to teach the autistic mind is difficult.For example, one mother was aggravated over her son's tracking dirt in, constantly telling him to wipe his shoes and punishing him over time. One day she noticed as he came in that he bent down and carefully wiped the top of his shoes. Once she demonstrated what she meant by wiping one's shoes, there was no more problem.Kids are unique. Being corrected about how to place eating utensils and napkins at a dinner table is a helpful learning experience for Temple, but a depressing condemnation for Sean. He sees his error as incompetence and something everyone else knows. Must first gain a perspective on how important this error is in the broader scheme of things.The first half gives insights into how these two learned things and why they had troubles. The second half of the book gives ten rules of life that autism makes it difficult to understand and suggests ways of teaching these.

...or this fast! I haven't actually finished it yet, you see, but every page seems to be a revelation. After sharing several passages with my teen son, who has Asperger's, today he took it away from me and began reading it himself. The front flap is his bookmark, the back flap is mine.This book has incredibly valuable information for everyone who has contact with someone on the autism spectrum, most especially parents and teachers. My plan is to order a number of copies, highlight personally relevant passages, and hand out free copies to teachers and administrators as my son enters high school. I am convinced that the information in this book has the power to improve not only the life of my son, but of every other child and adult on the spectrum, diagnosed or undiagnosed, that they have contact with.Great, great thanks go out to Temple and Sean and their genius of an editor. This is a book with the power to help effect positive change for a long time.

I have Asperger's Syndrome, so you would think this book would've helped me. And while I could identify with a few aspects of the authors' experiences with Asperger's, I found precious little that could help me cope with life in the non-autistic world. The book goes into great detail about how to raise, teach, and help folks with autism and Asperger's, but it doesn't really offer much for folks who have the syndrome. Then again, I've yet to find a book written as a guide specifically for aspies. Most of the literature out there is geared toward teachers and parents. I guess they figure we can't handle it :P

The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships: Decoding Social Mysteries Through the Unique Perspectives of Autism The Autism Discussion Page on the core challenges of autism: A toolbox for helping children with autism feel safe, accepted, and competent The Autism Activities Handbook: Activities to Help Kids Communicate, Make Friends, and Learn Life Skills (Autism Spectrum Disorder, Autism Books) Autism: 44 Ways to Understanding- Aspergers Syndrome, ADHD, ADD, and Special Needs (Autism, Aspergers Syndrome, ADHD, ADD, Special Needs, Communication, Relationships) The Unwritten Rules of PhD Research (Open Up Study Skills) The Male Factor: The Unwritten Rules, Misperceptions, and Secret Beliefs of Men in the Workplace The New Social Story Book, Revised and Expanded 15th Anniversary Edition: Over 150 Social Stories that Teach Everyday Social Skills to Children and Adults with Autism and their Peers The Autism Discussion Page on anxiety, behavior, school, and parenting strategies: A toolbox for helping children with autism feel safe, accepted, and competent Autism Spectrum Disorder (revised): The Complete Guide to Understanding Autism Autism: What Does It Mean to Me?: A Workbook Explaining Self Awareness and Life Lessons to the Child or Youth with High Functioning Autism or Aspergers The Reason I Jump: one boy's voice from the silence of autism: one boy's voice from the silence of autism Interpretations of American History, Vol. One - Through Reconstruction: Patterns and Perspectives (Interpretations of American History; Patterns and Perspectives) Medical School: The Unwritten Curriculum Unwritten Literature of Hawaii: The Sacred Songs of the Hula (Forgotten Books) Hardtack & Coffee or The Unwritten Story of Army Life Hardtack and Coffee or The Unwritten Story of Army Life Animals in Translation: Using the Mysteries of Autism to Decode Animal Behavior Red Herring Mysteries: Solving Mysteries Through Critical Questioning, Level 1 Red Herring Mysteries: Solving Mysteries through Critical Questioning, Level 2/Grades 7-12+ People Styles at Work...And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better