Free Downloads Getting The Love You Want Workbook: The New Couples' Study Guide
A companion workbook to the enormously successful New York Times bestselling relationship book, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. In 1988, Harville Hendrix in partnership with his wife, Helen LaKelly Hunt, published a terrifically successful relationship guide, Getting the Love You Want. The book introduced thousands to their Imago Relationship Therapy, a unique healing process for couples, prospective couples, and parents, and developed into an overnight sensation. For their part, Doctors Hendrix and Hunt managed to aid scores of couples in their plight for more loving, supportive, and deeply satisfying relationships. Now, more than a decade later, this companion book picks up where its predecessor left off, delving further into relationship therapy once again, to help transform relationships into lasting sources of love and companionship. The Getting the Love You Want Workbook is designed for the hundreds of thousands of couples who have attended Imago workshops since Getting the Love You Want hit bookstands, as well as new and curious ones seeking a practical route back to intimacy and passionate friendship. The workbook contains a unique twelve-week course (The New Couples' Study Guide) designed to help work through the exercises published in Part III of Getting the Love You Want. Included are complete step-by-step instructions for transforming relationships into a lasting source of love and companionship. For those of us struggling to maintain our most precious relationships, the Getting the Love You Want Workbook helps us grow aware of our individual, unconscious agenda while steering us towards a more harmonious link with our loved ones that will satisfy our deepest needs.
Paperback: 288 pages
Publisher: Atria Books; Original ed. edition (December 30, 2003)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0743483677
ISBN-13: 978-0743483674
Product Dimensions: 7.4 x 0.8 x 9.2 inches
Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars See all reviews (88 customer reviews)
Best Sellers Rank: #12,026 in Books (See Top 100 in Books) #109 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Marriage & Adult Relationships #127 in Books > Self-Help > Relationships > Love & Romance #166 in Books > Self-Help > Relationships > Interpersonal Relations
"Getting the Love You Want Workbook" is from 2003, and it cannot be used with the 2008 edition of "Getting the Love You Want" text.The purpose of the workbook is to help with the exercises in the text.1) The exercises in the 2008 text have been completely renamed, edited and reordered. The exercises in the 2003 workbook have no relationship to the exercises in the 2008 text.2) As described below by Hendrix, he found one exercise to be not therapeutic, and dangerous to the relationship. He removed this exercise from the 2008 text, and wrote an entirely new one to take its place. The harmful exercise is of course still present in the 2003 workbook.Page xvii of 2008 edition of text, "Foreword to the Twentieth-Anniversary Edition--What We Changed," third paragraph in its entirety: "Third, the most substantive revision is replacing the original chapter 11 with an entirely new chapter. This chapter used to be titled 'Containing Rage,' and it was designed to help couples express the anger and frustration they had carried over from childhood. The chapter described an exercise called the 'Full Container' that guided each partner in venting his or her anger, while helping the other listen with more compassion. At the time, we believed that this catharsis would reduce the amount of tension in their day-to-day interactions. The opposite proved to be true. We discovered that the more couples practiced the exercise, the angrier they became with each other in their daily lives."
Despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, our society looks upon marriage as the prelude to living "happily ever after." When marriage does not lead to this expected happiness, typically we believe that is because we have chosen the wrong person, and that the solution often is to divorce and find Mr. or Ms. Right.Harville Hendrix does a fantastic job explaining why this approach does not work. In "Getting the Love You Want Workbook," Dr. Hendrix briefly reviews his theory about how couples become attracted-and how this basis of attraction frequently sows the seeds for relationship problems. The meat of the book is a 12-week series of exercises for couples.If you're not familiar with Dr. Hendrix's Imago theory from either "Getting the Love You Want" (written for couples) and "Keeping the Love You Find" (written for singles), and are considering getting this workbook, you really need to read "Getting" too. (My partner and I started the workbook exercises without having read all of "Getting" but we both were familiar with the Imago from "Keeping" and from previous counseling experiences.)So what is this Imago and what exercises will you find in the workbook?According to Dr. Hendrix, we search for partners who embody both the positive and negative traits we experienced from our family of origin/childhood caretakers. By finding a partner with these familiar traits, including traits that we do not have, we compensate for the positive parts of ourselves that we cut out in childhood. We also have a chance to heal childhood wounds in our partner and ourselves. Dr. Hendrix's exercises are designed to help couples develop a "conscious marriage" in which they change to become the person their partner needs in order to heal, and their partner does the same.The workbook exercises begin by having the couple develop a mutual vision of their ideal relationship. In their second session, the couple works on a mirroring, validating, and empathizing communication technique. The next several sections focus on identifying one's Imago, and learning about the partner's Imago. Further exercises address ways that couples close themselves off to each other, renewing romance, containing anger, and solidifying the changes made during the process.When I began the Imago exercises, I was startled to discover ways in which my current and former partners-men who I considered to be very different-had a stunning amount of good and bad traits in common with my parents. Of course, that is Dr. Hendrix's point. When you find someone who reminds of you all the positive things you remember from your family of origin, you unconsciously also are attracted to negative traits that they bring with them.The pacing and organization of the workbook exercises worked really well. Although the workbook is based on the exercises at the end of "Getting," I thought the exercises here are organized much better. The workbook has couples develop better communication skills before identifying their Imago-a change from the book. My partner and I, who were barely speaking to each other the week before we started this workbook, really felt connected after completed the relationship vision exercise. And although we both were familiar with the "mirroring" communication technique, in which you paraphrase the other person's statement, I found that Dr. Hendrix additional steps of validating the statements with comments like "I see" or "I understand" and them emphasizing made me feel really heard when I had touchy issues to discuss and, conversely, made me feel more understanding toward my partner when he had things to tell me that I didn't necessarily want to hear.Following the exercises in order is important. My partner and his former wife did the anger containment exercise in marriage counseling, without having completed the earlier steps, and found this exercise unhelpful. Doing later-session exercises without first rebuilding connection through developing a mutual relationship vision, building communication skills and acquiring understanding about the wounds the partner needs likely would be harmful to a relationship.I would recommend "Getting the Love You Want" and the companion workbook to any couple who wants to strengthen their relationship. My one caveat would be that this approach does not seem appropriate for relationships with serious substance abuse and/or domestic violence issues.By the way, initially I was skeptical about whether we really needed the workbooks, but I am glad we bought them. The exercises are laid out much more clearly, and the amount of time you need to set aside each week is specified at the beginning of each session. Incidentally, the authors recommend purchasing two workbooks, which my partner and I did we do not live in the same city, but a cohabiting couple probably could share one workbook and complete the exercises in separate notebook.My only criticism is Dr. Hendrix's decision to discuss relationships as "marriages," despite emphasizing that couples in unmarried committed relationships can benefit from his approach. More inclusive terminology would have been welcome.
When this reviewer first started the partnering help guide I began by just reading, but that proved inadequate and I did not need a fifty page rule to see that. Instead, I drafted my husband (who else) and like a trouper he volunteered (I think he expected to score) his services. Over the next thirteen weeks (twelve week course but we are slow learners), we followed the easy step by step instructions learning some interesting things about one another, surprisingly myself (talk about obsessive - no wonder I average three books a day) and Stan learned some things about himself (I just wish he didn't name it Harriet Hemorrhoid) once he took it seriously.Though this book is a fine stand alone, straightforward to apply, and will immensely help couples, there are some segments that would be easier to understand ( but not necessary) if the participants had handy GETTING THE LOVE YOU WANT for further explanation. The couple requires discipline to adhere to the three basic three rules over the three month period; that will prove to be worth the time if you care about your significant other and the relationship between you. The obvious implied risk is that if you do not care that will surface too. Participants will understand their own personal desires and frustrations and that of their partner, as well as those that forge from a stronger team sharing a loving relationship. Whether you are having problems or not, this guide will assist couples in strengthening their teaming by both of you "getting the love you want."Harriet Klausner
The philosophy of relationships that Dr. Haskill has developed is well researched and eye opening. The excersizes in the workbook are useful tools for willing couples to use to find a deeper understanding of themselves and better communication.However, the workbook is not necessary if you buy the book "Getting the Love you want;" you can use your own notebook to do the sessions which comprise section 3 of the book, as well as the workbook.I do highly recommend this item, for anyone who believes that the answer to trouble in a love relationship is not to abandon the loved one but to first resolve the issues that have surfaced. The author has really hit on something.
I am only writing this to warn others you'll need the other book to be able to use this workbook. I don't have the other book so I have not been able to use any of the workbook.
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