Free Downloads How To Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair: A Compact Manual For The Unfaithful
Once an affair comes to light, many unfaithful persons "wake up" and want to save their marriages. Yet, they usually make terrible mistakes in their bungled attempts to win back their partners' trust. Linda J. MacDonald, an infidelity specialist for 23 years, has identified behaviors and attitudes that determine unfaithful persons' success or failure to mend their marriages after the wrecking ball of an affair. How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair offers practical advice for those who've strayed and want a second chance. It would take weeks of therapy to learn what Successful Rebuilders know: How to avoid the potholes that doom marriages after affairs Critical guidelines for the first hours after discovery 15 essential steps for repair after betrayal Skills to cope with your partner's obsessions and "triggers" Ways to undo the damage from your lies The keys to avoid prolonging your spouse's agony (and yours) The difference between helpful and harmful apologies How to rebuild your broken life, relationships, and integrity
Paperback: 98 pages
Publisher: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform; 10/25/10 edition (November 24, 2010)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 145055332X
ISBN-13: 978-1450553322
Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.2 x 8.5 inches
Shipping Weight: 6.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars See all reviews (240 customer reviews)
Best Sellers Rank: #6,872 in Books (See Top 100 in Books) #66 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Marriage & Adult Relationships #94 in Books > Self-Help > Relationships > Interpersonal Relations
I found out 2.5 weeks ago that my husband of 11 years cheated on me on 2 occasions with 1 woman. The news of the affair (7 years and 5 years old at the time of his revelation) hit me like a ton of bricks. We decided to try to stay together and embark upon a new marriage. However my emotional highs and lows over the issue were becomming a huge stresser in and of itself. The questions I had running through my mind, wondering if we were on the right track to saving our relationship, the doubts, wanting to talk to him about how I was feeling over what he'd done but not knowing how or being always able to put it into words, the anguish... Until I found this book.This book is primarily meant for the cheating spouse who wants to try to salvage their marriage. In the early days there are lots of things that need to be done, and then there's a lot that needs to be done over the long haul. This book can help the cheating spouse see what steps they are going to need to make and the things they will have to do and sacrifice if they want any real hope of saving their marriage and salvaging the spouse they have shamed and ruined.This is book isn't bad for the wounded spouse. It will let you know that the crazy feelings and thoughts you have apparently are quite normal. If you read it WITH your adulterous spouse it can serve as the platform for you to discuss with your spouse what you are going through and/or allow you to point out or highlight things that you have been wondering or feeling but just didn't know how to say or express.This book has greatly bolstered my hope that my husband and I can work through this. He did so many of the "right" things from the get go without even having knowledge of the book that I know we're on the right track.
This book helped my husband and me continue with our marriage.Simply put, I asked him to buy it about three weeks after discovering his affair. He bought it. He read it. Cried over it. Tried to live by it.The reason I think it helped was it helps the cheater see things from the betrayed spouse's perspective. This is crucial because the balance has been so off kilter during the months/years of the affair, with the cheater often thinking only about his or her own needs and feelings. If that person wants back into the marriage, it's essential that he or she come face to face with the impact of the affair on the spouse and do his or her best to fix the balance of power in the relationship.It helped because my husband really took it to heart.If you are reading this review, it's because your marriage has been wounded by an affair. Good luck. Be strong.
Linda MacDonald understands what is required from the betrayer if they want to restore their marriage, like no other counselor I am aware of. She spells out in consise terms what must be done, each point made is valid and cannot be ignored. As the betrayed spouse, I began to wonder if it was me, expecting more from my wife than what is reasonable in order to have a restored marriage, more than ten years after D-Day. After reading this book, my feelings have been validated. A year prior to reading this book, I had told her some of what I needed, needs that are noted in the book. She told me it was too hard for her to do that. As a result, we have not made the progress that is desired. I now know any further progress will require my acceptance of un-met needs.
This book is an excellent resource for both the betrayer and the betrayed. The betrayer, coming out of their post-affair "romance" and "fantasy world, needs a bit of shock treatment to realize just what a mess they've created. They've destroyed lives and families by their selfish and inappropriate actions. Some betrayers may take exception to the content of the book, they're the ones who stubbornly and selfishly don't want to own up to their actions; completely. For those truly repentant spouse's that realize the mess that they've made - and own it, for them this book is an incredibly useful tool. Both my wife and I have read it several times to help us through the mess that she created. It's helping, and that's good, because I want to stay married and have our marriage be better than ever. Best thing about the book is it doesn't place the betrayed/victim at fault in any way for the actions of the other/betrayer.
Ms. MacDonald has given couples struggling with recovering from infidelity a wonderful roadmap. I recommend this book for both wayward spouses and betrayed spouses. Too many counselors fail to grasp the devastation caused by infidelity. Their advice is to push the betrayal under the rug, don't ask questions, and pretend it never happened. Or worse, they place the blame on the betrayed spouse. Ms. MacDonald takes a more realistic and authentic approach to recovery.For those struggling with how to help their spouses heal, this will be a wrenching journey but one worth taking. For those who were betrayed, it will affirm that your expectations and needs are valid. It will help you give voice to your struggle.
I am not good about giving reviews, but in the case w/ this book I feel it's essencial!When I found the title of this book on my husband and I were 6 months post his final confession. I had endured 11 months of the trickle effect....the last lie coming out before a lie detector test. After his test he was euphoric, he felt clean and renewed. He didn't understand why I couldn't move forward w/ him? Why my pain was still so great? This book was ME! It was every e-mail i'd sent him, every letter i had writen, every journal entry. I underlined nearly every paragraph of this book and handed it to him. He read it...and then he SAW me! Finally! He got it and understood the depth of my pain and then began the process of renewal. I cannot say enough about this short manual. If you have had infidelity in your marriage, you must read this! Thank you Linda Macdonald!
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