Free Downloads The Explosive Child: A New Approach For Understanding And Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children
Screaming, swearing, crying, hitting, kicking, spitting, biting...these are some of the challenging behaviors we see in kids who are having difficulty meeting our expectations. These behaviors often leave parents feeling frustrated, angry, overwhelmed, and desperate for answers. In this fully revised and updated book, Dr. Ross Greene helps you understand why and when your child does these things and how to respond in ways that are nonpunitive, nonadversarial, humane, and effective.Dr. Greene describes how best to: Understand the factors that contribute to challenging episodes. Identify the specific situations in which challenging episodes are likely to occur. Reduce or eliminate challenging episodes by solving the problems that cause them. Solve problems collaboratively (rather than unilaterally) and proactively (rather than reactively). Help your child develop the skills to be more flexible, solve problems, and handle frustration more adaptively. Reduce hostility and antagonism between you and your child.With Dr. Greene's practical, expert guidance, you and your child will forge a new relationship based on communication and mutual respect.
Paperback: 304 pages
Publisher: Harper Paperbacks; 5 Rev Upd edition (May 20, 2014)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0062270451
ISBN-13: 978-0062270450
Product Dimensions: 5.3 x 0.7 x 8 inches
Shipping Weight: 14.7 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars See all reviews (716 customer reviews)
Best Sellers Rank: #888 in Books (See Top 100 in Books) #3 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Special Needs #4 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Family Relationships > Conflict Resolution #4 in Books > Self-Help > Relationships > Conflict Management
I read The Explosive Child after reading The Defiant Child (and attending a Douglas Riley-esque parenting class). The problem with the premise in The Defiant Child, and in most of the negative reviews on this book, is that there are many adults who cling obstinately to the belief that these children are capable of doing better than they are, and if the adult can just make said child's life difficult enough, he/she will shape up.The problem with that line of thinking, and the subsequent "strategies" it produces, is that no matter how much I punish a child, if he/she is incapable of doing better, the issues we face will persist. It is akin to punishing a child who needs glasses for not being able to see. A much better solution all around would be to get him/her glasses.My daughter, in the Riley worldview, would be "punishing me" or "controlling" and "manipulating." What I saw was a little girl who was so very overwhelmed by various aspects of her environment, that she had no adaptations, no ability to cope. I can't imagine what it must be like to live in a world where the way your plate is turned at dinner, or which direction your socks are facing, is so overwhelming a proposition that you lose the ability to function and/or think rationally. That's the little girl I was living with. The little girl who could blow up over the most incomprehensible thing, and for whom most of life's daily situations and frustrations were just more than she could bear.In the calm between storms, she was (and still is) a delightful girl - funny, bright, loving, and always, always remorseful after an explosion. I knew she knew what she was doing was wrong, and moreover, she didn't want to be doing it at all. A common conversation, post-blow up, involved my baby girl, red-faced, tear soaked and shaking, saying, "Mommy, do you still love me? Even when I lose all my marbles?" What amount of punishment was going to solve that? She KNEW what she was doing was wrong, the problem was that she had no other strategies for dealing with her overwhelming frustrations.My goal in seeking treatment for her at all in the first place was not about how I could make a phone call or waste time on the computer without her "bothering" me (actual parenting class verbiage there), but how I could soothe my daughter. If I never talked on the phone without interruption again, it would be a small price to pay to help soothe my girl - to help her cope with the stuff of life.That's what I feel like I have gotten in this book - a set of strategies to employ, as part of a complete parenting philosophy. More importantly, it accomplishes these goals without the guiding philosophy of "I'm bigger than you, and I can inflict several different types of pain to get you to comply."That's the best way I can describe this book: it is like getting glasses, and finally being able to see the world.
Our child isn't "explosive" but just way harder to get to do stuff than some - i.e. transition from bed to up, from TV to homework, from friend's house to car, etc. This book really helps in explaining those behaviors so they make sense and giving techniques to avoid the threats and yelling that I hate to say was getting pretty common in our house. Maybe better title: "The Explosive Parent; A New Approach for Understanding and Dealing With the Strange Person You Become sometimes when Dealing With Your Child."
After years of reading books on "strong-willed" or "difficult" children... and years of psychotherapy, Dr. Greene's fresh approach to what seemed an unsolvable problem has brought peace to our household for the first time in 8 years. I have bought a copy of this book for everyone that deals with my 10-year-old son: my parents, his teacher, his previous teacher, and the County Mental Health worker who is working with us on in-home behavior modification. I was very sceptical when I first learned of Dr. Greene's approach-- it sounded too easy ! But it truly, truly works.Dr. Greene put into words what I had always known about my child, but couldn't express cohesively. My son used to have several "melt-downs" each week, and I always wondered how much control he had over his own behavior and emotions. Now I know the answer, and also can recognize the various stages of escalation leading up to a rage episode.Applying Dr. Greene's "basket" principles, we haven't had a melt-down in 3 weeks, and my son's cooperation with our "basket A" and "basket B" requests is fantastic. No more melt-downs, no more frustrated adults. We actually have hope for a brighter future. Even school is going really, really well.Many thanks to Dr. Greene for giving us an alternative to manage our "inflexible, explosive" (but lovable) children !
The cover of this book caught my eye in the bookstore and I knew there must be something in there for me. I finally had some authoritative information on what my family has been through for the past 13 years. I've known our son was "different" since he was a toddler throwing his time-out chair at me and screaming, I just didn't understand why until now. The "pick your battles" basket approach Dr Greene uses puts daily frustrations and battles into perspective and gives the frustrated parent an extremely useful tool in learning to work with the time bomb in your house. Letting go of the notion that a child should behave a certain way and obey without question is very difficult for some parents to do but learning the art of negotiating with your explosive child and reducing the "meltdowns" in your life is well worth it.The chapter on medications is very helpful for those not understanding what an important role they can play. Our son has been on Ritalin for ADHD since he was 3 1/2 and was finally diagnosed at age ten as also having bipolar disorder. After 2 hospitalizations in the past 2 1/2 years and 2 suicide attempts in the last year we are getting the correct mixture of 7 different medications that have finally helped stabilize his moods enough to actually begin to use the methods in the book. Dr. Greene has finally helped us find a major piece of the puzzle to being able to help our family regain some sanity in our lives.Anyone who has ever looked down at another parent for not being able to control their child needs to read this book and walk a mile in their shoes. The parents of these children need a friend much more than they need another condescending comment on how to raise their children.
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